Questions
by st122
Summary: Harry tries to find himself days after the final battle.


_A/N Just a short one-shot. Hope you enjoy. Please comment and crit._

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What would I do with time to be just me? A world apart in a place where I could be who I wanted to be. How I would love to be away from here. This world seems so dark even the colors of spring seemed dulled to tones of grey. The scent in the air the feel of the breeze all seems dreary in comparison to what it once was. Even the sounds of wildlife in this forest seems muted.

It is all done, a prophecy had been fulfilled. A war had come and gone. A man had risen and fallen. What is to become of the world that I am part of? What path should I tread? These two paths that branch before me, which one to walk, which one will guide me to where I want to be?

Where do I want to be? That is a question I myself cannot seem to define. Perhaps that question needs refinement. Yet, what can I ask? To this day my world has been defined by words uttered before my birth. My path shifted by ones with power and sometimes by unseen forces woven by time. Or was it the inverse, did I shift the world to fit to my path?

Perhaps I should take this curve to the right. Being right how could it be wrong. Darkness, night was coming. The moon was rising and the forest was fast becoming dense. This place seemed like my mind. There was no plan, there was no order, yet above all else it was shrouded in darkness. The cold evening air, so much like that night a few days ago. Alone I had walked, to my death I thought. Who would ever know what went through my mind that night.

Stepping ever closer to the eventual green light. I could sense it drawing nearer as it left the tip of his wand. Those seconds felt like years. Time seemed to slow, I had time to ponder what was and what could have been. My future had been so clear, yet now it seemed hazy. What was it that I saw? Perhaps that was why I walked these paths alone. Hoping, praying, that some of what could have been would find me again deep in the heart of the forest.

My earthly senses returned. I could feel the soft earth beneath my shoes as it sunk into the ground. The howl of the wind as it blew through the trees and the soft chirping of birds before they stilled for the night. Where was I? I could not tell. All that I knew was that I was deep within a place I once thought forbidden.

Too far I had wondered tonight. Little hope remained of reaching the school before dawn. Perhaps not even lunch. Honestly, I could not really find it in myself to care. All that awaited me at Hogwarts was a crowd.

The pale moonlight shone through the tall trees and bathed the undergrowth in its silver light. Nothing stirred except the leaves of the trees above. My legs began to feel tired when I saw a small outcrop of rocks. A seat would do well.

The pain in my legs receded as the seconds ticked by while a sat. I could not remember feeling anything, but walking for how many countless hours would cause as much.

Would the world ever regain its pleasures? Would I ever find what I needed? What would save me?

A soft rustling of leaves wrenched my thoughts away from me. A small red fox emerged from behind a bush and crawled towards me. Colour, I could hardly remember seeing so much colour in anything these last few days. Drawn to the fiery red of the fox I felt no fear as it moved ever closer towards me. The eyes of the fox never left mine, the brown eyes seemed so vivid almost as if I should have known them. Halting a few paces from me the fox lifted its head and its nose pointed down a small forgotten trail. My eyes followed the path of its nose and when I turned back the fox was gone.

I sighed. Such a wonderful animal, the vivid colours of the animal stood in contrast to the world around. I could not forget that image as I strolled down the path revealed to me.

I was reminded of something. So familiar, yet I could not place it. A colour so vibrant that it made the world around seem but a poor imitation. A red so filled with fire that it burned my very soul, a brown so soft that it stole my heart. Where had I seen such colours before?

Time, that s what they said. Time would heal my pains. What did people know of my pains? Seeing people die and knowing that I could have stopped death had I only fulfilled the prophecy earlier. Sitting alone in a corner as fathers wept over daughters, mothers over sons, daughters over mothers and sons over fathers knowing that I caused those tears to fall. I had thought that the prophecy had been a burden, how wrong I was. The weight of knowing that I was too late to save those lying cold in the ground around the country was more than any one man could bear.

The path seemed straight, at least as straight as nature could manage. Tree after tree I walked as the moon climbed higher into the sky. How much more pain could I take? How much farther could I go? My life at first had been little more than a nightmare. Then for a brief flicker of time it was almost perfect. That was until I learned what was still expected of me. I lost count of the nights I had lain awake dreading my future. Yet under all that dread was certainty. I knew my life was balanced on a knifes edge that boiled down to one concept, kill or be killed. I had killed.

The words were spoken so easily, yet so hard to comprehend. I had killed. It reverberated through my mind like drums being beaten savagely. No matter for what cause my soul still felt tainted by the effects. It felt ripped and damaged. No one else mentioned such a feeling and I could tell by the smiles on the survivors faces that they were not damaged. Perhaps it was because I entered the hall with the sole intent of killing the man. Magic was about intent, I did not cast a curse to kill him, but it was my intent. Maybe closer to the mark but more frighteningly was because I had been linked to him. A connection forever severed.

I paused mid stride. The soft sounds of someone crying moved through the trees towards my ears. A flash of vibrant red burned my eyes drawing me nearer. Who was this person sitting alone this time of night and in the Forbidden Forest of all places? As I moved closer I noticed that the ever changing shades of red hair belonged to a girl. What was a girl doing out here alone?

The moon I noticed had almost descended. Soon the entire forest would be shrouded in utter darkness. I could not leave her alone, yet I did not want to disturb her. Crouching low to the ground I settled down behind a small bush where I could watch over her.  
To my surprise that same red fox, or at least I thought that it was the same animal jumped up onto the rock behind her. Its mesmerizing coat of red and eyes of brown fascinated me once more. Then in an instant the animal was gone leaving only the girl sitting there.

The colour of her hair matched that of the fox. Except it was long and flowed down past her shoulders in waves. I could remember a girl with hair like that once. It felt like years ago yet it had been less than one. The soft sobs of the girl drew my attention back to her. It was better not to dwell on the past in any case. What was could never be again.

My heart yearned to comfort her. I could not bare to see another person in so much pain. Rising unsteadily for some reason I found myself walking towards her before I settled myself down beside her. I did not look at her and she did not look up at me.

It feels like my very soul had been ripped into two, the girl said softly. Why was she speaking to me about something so personal? I wanted to help, I needed to help.

I can feel a rip in my soul too, I replied barely above a whisper. My words caused her tears to stop though I could tell that she still had not lifted her head. Her voice sounded, for a lack of a better word, homely, almost as if that voice belonged with me. It felt odd to think about a voice like that, however strange it was it still felt true.

That was a question I could ask. Where do I want to be? I could refine that, I want to be home. That brings another question. Where is home? For some reason a name came to mind. One almost forgotten, buried so deep in pain and suffering that my mind had to fight to remember, Ginny.

The cool night breeze washed over me as the moon descended behind the horizon.

A torrent of images flooded my mind. Long flowing red hair, bright brown eyes, the rush of wind though my hair as I flew alongside her. She was my home. My arm moved by its own accord and settled around her waist. I knew what I wanted, something that had long since been buried deep inside me, a future with Ginny. Her head rested against mine bringing with it the familiar scent of flowers. Peace, I finally felt contented inside.


End file.
